Black Swan --- Fear

Another issue raised by the movie Black Swan was fear. Although Nina was selected as the new star to perform innovative Swan Lake, she always had the fear that her friend Lily, who embraced passion and lust in nature, would take her place to perform the black swan. This had loaded Nina with tremendous stress that put her constantly in horrible illusions. In the first public show, she was too stressful to perform white swan thus made a mistake on stage. This aggravated her fear. Back to her dressing room, she had the illusion of Lily fighting to take her black swan's role. She fight back and finally stabbed Lily into blood. However, in reality the person she stabbed was not Lily, but herself. It's an iconic scenario pointing out the real enemy was not Lily, but herself.

We all have fear, fear of high living cost, bad grades, no jobs, husband/wife cheating. Essentially it is the fear of losing, losing money, losing a job, losing dignity, losing a family... 4 years ago, when I decided to study abroad, I planned to do it quietly, in the same way as everybody else did. The reason to keep it low was because of unexplainable fear that everybody had. One day I went to the enrollment office quietly for my undergraduate transcript, and got surprisingly rejected. Even more surprising, the next day everybody knew it and talked about it. I was suddenly in a light spot, in a very bad way. They set me as a bad sample, and would like to kill me to warn others. Amazingly, instead of feeling a total breakdown, my fear was gone. What I feared had already become reality! But the earth was still moving. I was breathing normally, as healthy as I was. Not a hair of me had changed. It turned out not the end of the world as I assumed. At that moment, I realized fear didn't come from others, but oneself. For sure other people would think about me, gossip about me. But deeper in heart, they didn't care a hair of me, thus wouldn't affect a hair of my life. Those who really cared about me, my parents, close friends, wouldn't change a bit. Fear is a bubble, bloated by oneself. The only way to be stronger is stabbing it.