Today I talked with my old friend A. She is in Shanghai and had disconnected from internet for quite a while. Because she is in a relationship with a man B. I am a little concerned because I know she is the type of woman that once in a relationship, it becomes the only focus of her life. I asked her if she is happy. She said "yes, most of the times, but sometimes B would complain that I put too much pressure on him. I don't understand, I already did all the cooking, washing at home, and even quit mixed drinks classes several times to stay with him." I could imagine the situation. She would satisfy any need of the man to make him happy, in return, she expects a little, but definitely something. Such "something" pressured B, so A and B are not always happy.
I have another girl friend C who asked me out last week talking about her ex-boyfriend. We had a conversation in Rice Village for about 2 hours. I roughly calculated the time that she was talking about her ex-boyfriend's feelings, and the time she talked about her own feelings. The ratio is 9:1. In her talk, most of the sentences started with the word "He"... The man broke up with her for exactly the same reason: "too much pressure, not happy".
As I noticed, quite a few good women are emotional animals. Once in love, they are willing to compromise, do all the cooking/washing, give up their own hobbies to stay with the Mr.Right, even give up their own career, to the extent they totally lost themselves. However, at this moment, Mr.Right is no longer right, he becomes Mr.Angry, Mr.Pressured or Mr.Unhappy. What is the problem?
The problem lies in exhaustive compromise from one side of the relationship. It's not healthy. Relationship is like a baby. To keep it healthy, one needs to consistently feed it, by mutual understanding and compromise. Understanding and compromise from only one side will make the relationship seesaw completely leaning. The baby will be spoiled, yet not healthy. The healthy way to maintain a relationship is to have space for each own career and hobbies, while remain connected by pleasing each other. Under some conditions, if one agrees/has to compromise, the other needs to appreciate it. Again, there is no recipe that can only feed the baby once, and make him a grown up. To make the healthy relationship grow, it requires patience and hard working for life long.
I have another girl friend C who asked me out last week talking about her ex-boyfriend. We had a conversation in Rice Village for about 2 hours. I roughly calculated the time that she was talking about her ex-boyfriend's feelings, and the time she talked about her own feelings. The ratio is 9:1. In her talk, most of the sentences started with the word "He"... The man broke up with her for exactly the same reason: "too much pressure, not happy".
As I noticed, quite a few good women are emotional animals. Once in love, they are willing to compromise, do all the cooking/washing, give up their own hobbies to stay with the Mr.Right, even give up their own career, to the extent they totally lost themselves. However, at this moment, Mr.Right is no longer right, he becomes Mr.Angry, Mr.Pressured or Mr.Unhappy. What is the problem?
The problem lies in exhaustive compromise from one side of the relationship. It's not healthy. Relationship is like a baby. To keep it healthy, one needs to consistently feed it, by mutual understanding and compromise. Understanding and compromise from only one side will make the relationship seesaw completely leaning. The baby will be spoiled, yet not healthy. The healthy way to maintain a relationship is to have space for each own career and hobbies, while remain connected by pleasing each other. Under some conditions, if one agrees/has to compromise, the other needs to appreciate it. Again, there is no recipe that can only feed the baby once, and make him a grown up. To make the healthy relationship grow, it requires patience and hard working for life long.
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